Perhaps this is the 10th time in the past month I open blogspot.com and click on "new post" and start typing something. I always end up saving it without actually publishing anything, and without really finishing what I'm writing. Reason is: I don't know what I'm writing anymore.
Many feelings accumulate, many emotions pile up, and we choose, all of the sudden, not to share. Perhaps because, this time, it is real, and not a made up dream. And maybe because we're not so good at expressing any of those the way we used to. Maybe because the whole wide world that we chose to ignore before cannot be ignored anymore. It doesn't make sense. I mean, who decides if we can ignore people or if we can't? And why are we so afraid to be judged by them? Is it just about that?
It is us, after all. The same person we were, with tiny modifications - since no one stays the same. Or major modifications and changes. Who knows? People change, don't they?
I just re-read the post I linked above, and I all I could think of was: damn, was I wise or what. #shootme
I remember, back in the days, when I used to post in deviantART, someone once commented about how I'm too "brave" because I write whatever's on my mind. And I really did write everything that was on my mind without thinking of anyone. I don't know which situation is better, now or then?
My biggest fear is that I am going to lose it. I am going to lose my "writing" skills, and being able to express whatever the way I want. It's been too long since I last wrong something I actually liked. This, I have to admit, saddens me. I know I shouldn't be thinking about it much, because it only makes it worse, but I can't help it.
I really have no idea what is the point of this post. Let me publish some pointless posts for a while, until I get back to where I was.
Here I am, successfully publishing a post I wouldn't otherwise publish. Yay me.
Have a great Friday everyone!
- Sana H.
Why not come along tomorrow night to this:
ReplyDeletehttp://shjintlbookfair.blogspot.com/2011/09/shj100tpc-barjeel-gallery.html
An opportunity to read to an audience of friendly faces :-)
Thanks for the invite! I would've loved to come if I had a free schedule tomorrow! Thanks anyways Rupert!
ReplyDeleteStart with a short post and gradually increase in length, that's what I would do.
ReplyDeleteShort & beautiful better than long & boring. Try & don't stop.
Allah ywafjech
Will see enshallah. Thanks.
ReplyDeleteHi Sana,
ReplyDeleteI am in the same situation as you are.. Maybe we were young and gullible then, I too don't know if it's good or bad that we worry too much about what people think.
Maybe it's bad, since like you said in your latest post - it is us after all. This is the way we think and if people don't like it, then they don't like us.
We choose to put a specific image of ourselves in front of people and in the process of learning more and becoming a better person, we are stuck trying to sustain our old image thus losing out on the person we could become.. I guess that's the best way I could put it, I hope it makes sense.
Cheers!
Anonymous, thanks for your comment. I agree with the 'image' part. The thing is, sometimes it is not that you want to keep your old image; it's just that you should not show everything about your image the way you used to, because of certain changes perhaps. I do not know how to explain it. But I liked what you said. Thanks for passing!
ReplyDelete